I often find myself unable to say what I want in the moment I want to say it. When someone is hurtful, tactless, or insensitive, my brain flails as I try to grasp at some word, some phrase, that could express how I feel - but nothing comes. Instead, the bitter ache of pain, disappointment, or sadness will sit inside of me, internalized, waiting for the release that comes with understanding, waiting for the words that will bring clarity.

As a child, the piano became my voice when I could not speak. When my first crush, Jimmy, moved to a different school, I quietly sat down and practiced Mozart. When my beloved pet rabbit, Blackie, died, I went to the piano and pored through Schubert. During the struggles and challenges of my student days, I found what I was searching for in Brahms. When my first love broke my heart, I grieved through Chopin. Music is intertwined with my personal memories and with the emotional journeys of my life. It is there when the words do not come, cannot come.

When comprehension arrives, when the words finally decide to reveal themselves, it will be at the oddest times — hours, days, or even months later. While I’m washing the dishes, I’ll suddenly realize how I should have responded to X’s hurtful remark. Or while I’m in the shower, I will have a flash of understanding as to why Z acted in such and such way. Riding the subway, getting my hair cut, cooking dinner, sitting at the gate in an airport, while I’m in a restaurant on a date - all moments in which I have had an unexpected revelation.

This morning, as I stand by my apartment window, I sip my cup of coffee and look out onto the bustling, vibrant street filled with people laughing, chatting, and conversing animatedly with one another. I wait for the words to come, for the lucidity that will give me the liberation I now seek - but today is not the day.

And so I sit down at the piano, reach for Schumann’s restless, raging, tormented G minor Sonata, and find my words and solace through his language.

One of the wonderful things to have in Spain during the hot summers is a cool bowl of its famous soup, the gazpacho. The abundance of fantastic vegetables in this country blend together to create a soup of deliciously fresh flavors.There are, of course, many different versions of gazpacho, depending on the region -  there are creamier gazpachos, smooth pureed ones, even stewlike ones. I love vegetables, and personally prefer a heartier / chunkier type of gazpacho, where I become very full on the fresh vegetables in the soup.My version is as follows - the measurements are in the American standard system, but I have put together an approximate conversion chart (in the post below) that should help out metric system users.


Summer Gazpacho

Ingredients:

1 medium cucumber - peeled, seeded, and chopped
1 medium green bell pepper, coarsely chopped
1 small onion, chopped
1/3 cup packed fresh parsley
2 1/2 pounds ripe tomatoes - peeled, seeded, and chopped *
1 cup tomato juice
1/4 cup red wine vinegar
3 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil
2 cloves of garlic, minced2 teaspoons salt
Optional: 1 fresh jalapeño pepper, seeded and minced

Directions:

1. In a food processor or blender, finely chop (but don’t puree) the cucumber and green pepper. Remove to a large bowl.
2. In the processor, finely chop the onion and parsley, and remove to the bowl.
3. Finely chop the tomatoes in the processor, and then remove to the bowl.
4. Add the rest of the ingredients into the bowl and stir very well.
5. Refrigerate for at least 2 hours before serving.

*Preparing the tomatoes: To peel tomatoes, cut a small X in the bottom of each tomato, taking care to not cut into the flesh. Put the tomatoes one by one into a pot of boiling water - for ripe tomatoes, leave them in for about 15 seconds, for not so ripe ones, about 30 seconds. Lift them out with a sieve and drop them into a bowl of ice water to stop the cooking. With the tip of a knife, the skin should now easily pull off  - if it still sticks, return the tomato to the boiling water for another 10 seconds and try again. To seed a tomato, halve it and run your thumbs along the inside of the cavity to easily remove the seeds.



Additional notes: Gazpacho is best served on the day it is made. But if you are preparing it to eat the following day, be sure to use only half of the jalapeño because the spiciness/heat will increase over time. The soup can be served in chilled bowls along with your favorite kind of bread.

I have put together a basic conversion chart from the American Standard system to the metric system. Please be aware that this is very much an approximation, and depends on numerous other factors - how much the ingredients are packed together, how you fill your cups, the humidity in the air, etc. etc. You may also find links to numerous online calculators by searching for “cooking conversion”.

Happy cooking!


Volume

1 teaspoon (tsp) = 5 milliliters
1 tablespoon (tbs) = 15 milliliters
1/4 cup (c) = 59.125 milliliters
1/3 cup (c) = 78.66 milliliters
1/2 cup (c) = 118.25 milliliters
1 cup (c) = 236 milliliters

Weight

1 ounce = 28.35 grams
1 pound = 454 grams

Approximate Temperature Conversions

250 - 275 degrees F = 121- 133 degrees C
300 - 325 degrees F = 149 - 163degrees C
350 - 375 degrees F = 177 - 190 degrees C
400 - 425 degrees F = 204 - 218degrees C
450 - 475 degrees F = 232 - 246 degrees C